Untitled: Contemplations of a Monster
by Axael
Summary: Vincent muses on his life, and how he's changing his ways, after hearing a song that to him, seems fitting to his life. OneShot, kind of drabbleish


Dislaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy and probably never will. I don't own the song, 'Untitled' by Simple Plan either..I just thought the lyrics fit the mood of the fic.

I got bored..as usual..ok...? Once I get a story idea..I have to start it..or I'll forget about it, and then someone else will get the idea..

I know it's been done before: you leave Vincent alone in the night to contemplate the meaning of his life and existance.But since this song had slightly hopeful undertones to it, I thought to pass those traits on to Vinnie too. It's kind of my retelling of his past, but with some fitting song to it and a few fictional parts to it.

Note that if any details are incorrect, out of place or non-existant, TELL ME and I'll edit it.Flashbacks are in italics, song lyrics in bold italics

If ya likey, review, if ya no likey, then don't. All constructive criticism and compliments etc are appreciated.Flames will be used to light Professor Hojo's laboratory, and the Professor himself on fire.

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You're a monster, Vincent Valentine.

Those were the words that had haunted him for years now.Haunted him since he'd been a test subject for a maniac.Haunted him since he'd been placed to sleep in a basement, in a coffin. Haunted him as he slept there, atoning for his 'sins', which only seemed to increase, should he become social.

So he slept the days, the weeks away.

And when he'd finally awoken, by some spiky-haired, Chocobo-brained kid and his friends, he'd been right to want to stay.But he didn't. They knew Sephiroth, and fought against his cause.

So did Vincent.

But why he had joined AVALANCHE, was quite a mystery to him.Perhaps it was because, Sephiroth, like his, had been an experiment, and wished to avenge_ her_ death, in hopes that, if he found Sephiroth, he'd find _him_ as well.

Hojo. He'd find that smarmy jerk and slaughter him.For planting these accursed demons within him.For slicing his arm off and giving him this accursed claw.For becoming what Hojo wanted him to become.For letting that...indescribable idiot...-no that would just be complimenting him- turn him into what he was today.

And what he was, was always expressed by some bold, mindless citizen of whatever town or city the gunman happened to be frequenting.

They'd either turn tail at the sight of his demonic crimson eyes, the claw, or Vincent's overall appearance. Some of the bolder ones would shout insults at him, from a safe distance of course, knowing fully well he carried a loaded weapon.

And some of the few who knew Hojo, and knew he was a human guinea pig in the past, tended to pity him, or scorn him.

Like the one child he'd passed a long time ago.

No words were exchanged at first; the child's friends had ran at the sight of Vincent, and he had stayed behind.Trembling a bit, maybe, but Vincent had returned his soccer ball.

Then it came.The three deep, scarring words that shook his very heart apart.The three words he'd been hearing ever since Hojo had gotten through with him.

"The others were right." the child lisped, he couldn't have been more than six at the most. "**You're a monster**."

Vincent had said nothing, nothing at all so show or express any feelings, any emotion to the truth this kid had spoken,so plainly and clearly, that anyone nearby would have instantly agreed, had they heard.

He knew the words were true. He was a monster. He had been repeating that, over and over to himself for years, until he'd believed it. He **was** a monster, it was **his fault**, it was his own fault he couldn't save her, he'd done** nothing**, and had to live with those 'sins' ever since the events had actually happened.

Vincent would never forget his past, try as he might. It was virtually impossible, one of his demons would remind him painfully every now and then, or else the pictures would resurface in his oh-so-common nightmares.

Even now, as he sat on the rooftop of some buliding, even as he contemplated this in the chilling, haunting beautiful glow of the moon, the images came back to him, this time in a blur.He'd never forget.

_A bright light...sharp pain..where was she...gone...Hojo's laughter..his **maniacal** laughter...his **triumphant maniacal** laughter... nothing he could do...she was gone..._

Crimson eyes snapped open and Vincent was awake and alert once more.

"...dozed off for a moment.." he muttered to himself. Not like he hadn't done that before. Even in AVALANCHE, the gunman would often fins himself snapped out of a trance, or reliving of an old nightmare by one of his 'companions'. Several times, they had been about _her._ She that Vincent loved, yet couldn't protect.

Thus, he got quite offended if anyone had the nerve or guts to make any comment, remark, or reference to Lucrecia.Vincent wanted to forget her at all costs, forget how he couldn't save her.

Shaking his head vigorously, ridding his mind temporarily of the memories, Vincent sighed that melancholy sigh of his.

"Why am I even thinking about her, still...? It has been years...years since she died.." Another mental slap to himself, a painful reminder of what he was trying to do, to forget.

Perhaps amnesia wasn't such a bad idea after all..

All he'd have to do is go back to Hojo -that egotistical moron- and get injecting with more useless chemicals, probably drugs knowing Hojo, and in the end, he wouldn't forget, but instead be hopelessly addicted to somehting that wouldn't kill him anyway.

Vincent couldn't die. Not for lack of trying, but the 'Sadistical Bastard' as Vincent spitefully referred to the rogue scientist, had drugged poor Vincent up with something that made him immortal, and not subject to death.

Perhaps it was the demons that kept him alive like this.Perhaps it wasn't, but a combination of the insanity of being kept as an experiment, and the actual experiments themselves.

Before Hojo, Vincent could recall little of his life, except that he was what people these days would call 'normal'. Vincent smirked and laughed a little at the word, before shutting his eyes, reliving the memories. Somewhere, probably in the building below him, a song was playing.The crimson eyed man allowed the melody and lyrics to mingle with the 'flashbacks of his sins', and was surprised to find how well he could connect with the song itself.

_**I open my eyes, I try to see **_

_**But I'm blinded by the white light**_

_Vincent opened his eyes; a blinding pale lamp was hanging over him.He was alone in the room._

_**I can't remember how, I can't remember why**_

_**I'm lying here tonight**_

_He racked his brains as best as he could, but could think of no explanation of why he was here.Indeed he could only barely recall who he was, and when he tried to speak out loud, his voice was lost within the pale room, alone._

_**And I can't stand the pain,**_

_**And I can't make it go away**_

_Vincent strained to sit up, finding out the hard way that he was bound down on the table, or bed, whatever he was lying on.Uselessly, he flexed his wrist and frowned, hearing a metallic sounding click. Again, he moved his fingers and heard more clicking.There was a dull lingering pain, too, he noted, whever he tried to move that arm._

_He could just move his han avove the bindings, so he could see what was wrong with him, perhaps why he was tied down in the first place._

_Vincent gasped, but again, hardly any sound escaped his lips.His arm up to his elbow, had been cut off by something or someone, and replaced with a gold-looking clawed mechanical arm. Vincent slumped back against the pillow, forcing himself not to panic. _

_**No I can't stand the pain**_

_The next thing he knew, Vincent felt a sharp jab in his side and blacked out._

_Once he'd awoken, groggy and feeling rather sick, he'd met his 'recreator.' The man who seemed to possess every evil soul in the Underworld.Hojo._

_"And you..Vincent will be a fine creation." Hojo had mused.As Vincent recalled, that was right before the beginning of his nightmarish new life._

_**How could this happen to me?**_

_**I've made my mistakes**_

_**Got nowhere to run**_

_**The night goes on as I'm fading away**_

_**I'm sick of this life**_

_**I just wanna scream**_

_**How could this happen to me?**_

_An imaginary button controlling Vincent's memories seemed to hit fast forward, to just after Hojo, when Chaos had emerged in a village.Vincent had secretly ran off from Hojo's laboratory, knowing completly he'd be brought back soon, but he was willing to take that chance, just for a small taste of freedom. The people's cries and screams still resonated in his ears even now.No matter that he had transformed back, they still taunted and screamed and insulted._

_And poor Vincent, still being only somewhat of a teenager, had silently begged for forgiveness.He'd tried to deny any unholy intentions upon the village, tried to tell this it was an accident, yet they wouldn't, as if someone had pushed the 'Mute' button on a movie, but only one character was muted._

_**Everybody's screaming**_

_**I try to make a sound but no one hears me**_

_"Freak! How dare you try to kill us!"_

_"First Sephiroth and now this THING!"_

_"Worthless mistake!"_

_The red-eyed misfit had said nothing.There was nothing to say, really. No way could he convince them to let him live.In the end, Vincent had been spared, and only thrown away to the edge of the town._

_That was around the time Hojo had come for him. Desperate to stay a fugitive of the hellish prison, Vincent ran. And ran until he spotted the cliff._

_Thinking that death would be better than 'Hojo the Hobo', he jumped._

_"Vincent you fool." Hojo had hissed once his 'experiment's' cape had snagged unger his foot._

_"You're such a fool." he repeated. "You can't kill yourself, you can't die. I made it so.If you fall, you'll only be in severe torturous pain.And I'm sure you don't want that, do you?"_

_"I'd sooner die, or be in pain, than be your test subject!Why do you do this to innocent people? " Vincent had shouted over the howling bitter winds._

_Hojo just smiled that devillish, demonic grin of his, the one the red-eyed young mad had come to associate with pure agony to come._

_"Think about it, Vincent Valentine.You had nothing, you **were** nothing when we met.So what have you got to lose, by becoming the next step in evolution.Already the demons within you have taken root.At least you can start over this way, make a new life a new name for yourself."_

_**I'm slipping off the edge**_

_**I'm hanging by a thread**_

_**I wanna start this over again**_

And in that very desperate moment, Vincent had allowed Hojo's lies to consume him,not for the first time to come.He _was nothing_. He _could start over._

"Heh..right..as if that bastard would ever tell the truth." he snarled, staring at the moon, temporarily interrupting his flashbacks.

_He'd allowed himself back into that accursed laboratory.Back under the blinding lights and painful days._

_Each day, he slowly grew used to whatever he'd experience, that it became almost routine for him.Nothing surprised him and Vincent was slowly losing his grip on himself.Had it not been for meeting Lucrecia, Vincent would have become one of Hojo's mindless zombie minions._

_Lucrecia had been being manipulated by Hojo as well.Tried to convince her into becoming part of an experiment herself.Of course she'd declined. Lucrecia, as Vincent found out, was a reluctant assistant to the Professor._

_She too, had regrets. Like letting the evil scientist rip apart Vincent's memories,and alter him into becoming this creature._

_Lucrecia was his replacement for emotion, for sanity.He slowly grew to love her._

_**So I try to hold**_

_**Onto a time when nothing mattered**_

_But as with everything else, it didn't last.Despite her unwillingness, despite her turmoil and resistance, Lucrecia had been forced into the 'project'. the project that resulted in Sephiroth's being._

_And Vincent's most regretted 'sin'. The death of the only person he'd loved, and who had loved him, even though knowing what he was,_

_The worst part was, he knew he could have made a difference, could have stopped have saved her._

_**And I can't explain what happened and **_

_**I can't erase the things that I've done.**_

_**No I can't**_

_Hojo had cackled, **cackled like a lunatic**, like a gleeful raving murderous lunatic, when Vincent had come to him, demanding to see her._

_He'd taken great pleasure in destroying the youth's emotions that moment, breaking his heart into a million pieces.Giving him yet more incentive to believe that he was indeed a terrible person._

_"You monster, Vincent!" Hojo had mocked him, that insane grin plastered on his face. "She's dead! You couldn't save her! You're a monster!"_

_And he knew it was true. Vincent knew of all that Hojo had told him, no matter how he denied it at first, it was true. It was his fault, no matter that it was her choice, Vincent could have saved her, had he arrived in time.But no. Fate had to be cruel._

_He'd lost the love of his life, and with it, he lost the will to go on.His spirit was drained from him, leaving him blank and emotionless._

_**How could this happen to me?**_

_**I've made my mistakes**_

_**Got nowhere to run**_

_**The night goes on as I'm fading away**_

_**I'm sick of this life**_

_**I just wanna scream**_

_**How could this happen to me?**_

_Knowing it would make no difference, Vincent, now at that scientist Hojo's disposal, joined the Turks, and made kill after kill, without remorse, or mercy.Vincent would merely pull the trigger and BANG! Another one gone.Made no difference._

_He had nothing to life for.What had he ever gotten out of this life anyway? A head full of demons, a metal claw, no family or friends, and the only one he ever loved, dead on his account.He killed, because that was how he was convinced he was: a monster, a killing machine._

_He became what he was 'created' for._

_Then came the day when Vincent was put in that coffin..he'd felt nothing over that too.It wasn't until the nightmares claimed him in his long dormancy, that poor Vincent realized just what he'd done. He'd claimed so many lives and for what? For a madman's pleasure and entertainment! He **was** a monster._

The flashbacks ended, and the gunman's eyes flickered open.The song, too, was ending, and Vincent absently began humming the tune that reflected his life, his past, and perhaps his future.Laughter came from below, where a party was obviously being held, and another, faster song broke out in place of the melancholy tune Vincent had grown to like since seating himself on the roof.

Perhaps he **was** being too hard on himself. Hojo was dead, and his love was avenged; he knew because she'd appeared to him in a rare pleasant dream, telling her past lover how grateful she was to see Hojo get his death handed to him, how now the sadistic murderer could atone for his sins in death.How it would never be enough for forgiveness.

Vincent smiled at that memory; something he hardly ever did anymore.It was one kill he didn't sin for- Hojo's death. Somehow, pulling the trigger on that man, with his friends to help, had been simply so satisfying, **liberating**, that he'd laughed right out loud minutes later.

True, he had awoken in silent tears from that spiritual dream, but he was glad for it.It was a sign, a sign he was finally freed from the torment of his years.The damage had been done upon his body, yet it didn't matter.His emotions were returning.He smiled more often,especially among his friends from AVALANCHE. Yes, he actually considered them friends now.

And there was that time when Vincent had mysteriously vanished for days, only to return to an angry Cloud, who should have gotten used to Vincent's mysteriousness by now.

Tears had come to Cloud's eyes, when Vincent had explained, that he'd gone to offer his prayers to their deceased comrade, Aeris.Of all of AVALANCHE, Vincent had been the only one virtually unaffected when Sephiroth had slaughtered Aeris, so to hear of this change of heart was something close to a miracle.

He was moving on as well. Vincent was growing to accept that Lucrecia was in a better place now,free of torture and torment and pain.She had found forgiveness and so had Vincent.

"Perhaps..it is time I changed." Vincent spoke aloud, but softly, as the moon descended the sky to make way for the sunrise.

"Perhaps..I should move on.The past is dead..after all."In a sweep of his cloak, Vincent leapt off the rooftop and started down the road to the inn where he knew, that his friends would be waiting for an explanation of where he had gone off to that night.Vincent smirked amusedly, knowing he'd need a good excuse.Old habits, after all, did die hard.

"I may be a monster." he said to no one in particular. "But what monster could learn to forgive? Maybe, I'm not a monster after all.Just misunderstood.."

He raised his head to the sunlight, black hair shining and basking in it's light.Yes, that sounded good to him. Vincent was, after all, still reforming his broken life.It would take a bit of time, but it would happen.He might never be normal, but at least he knew he wasn't a monster.

_"Hm...maybe I'll let Tifa or Yuffie hug me...just this once."_ he thought.

Once, as it turned out, turned into many more times.

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Yes, my boredom consumed me..wrote in in about an hour or so...anywhooo... if you liked..review..if you don't..oh well..never wrote this expecting reviews..just had to get this idea out of my system...

And I actually wrote this for a friend...whom I hope knows Vincent a little better now, and will STOP CALLING HIM CREEPY


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